God and His Big Picture

I know I haven't posted on my conversation with Oprah yet but I have to make this post first. I actually spoke on the phone with Ms. Oprah Winfrey yesterday. Yes, I know it was a once in a lifetime type of blessing and I wanted so much just to enjoy the moment. While I was on hold listening to her opening monolgue I prepared some notes for all the things that I wanted to get out and say to her. I wanted to thank her for doing that wonderful "Legends Ball" because I think thanking those who came before us is such an important thing as well as reaching back to pull someone up to your level and even push them further; I wanted to tell her that in my short 28 years that I have learned that nothing happens by accident even me talking to her. I had all these things that I thought would make me sound smart and interesting and that would carry the conversation.

But right before I spoke to her (I was the 2nd caller of the day) I got on my knees and prayed to God: I asked Him to speak through me to help me give Ms. Winfrey a message that she might need to hear that day, I also asked that I not be nervous so that I could just enjoy listening to her live voice speaking to me. Then I thanked Him and sat back in my seat.

When I finally spoke to her I didn't say any of those things on that paper and truthfully I can't remeber a lot of what I said to her. I need to listen to the broadcast of our conversation to hear exactly what I said. After I got off the phone, I felt like I had blown a wonderful opportunity. I really didn't want to call anyone and tell them about the great conversation I had with her because I really didn't fell that it went that well since I didn't get to say all those things that I thought I should have said. I was really down when I went home and after I expressed to my husband how upset I was, I prayed again in the shower to God. This time I asked him to let the negative feeling I had to go away, that if I had said what He wanted me to say that somehow He could let me know. I asked that if He really spoke through me that I would feel better and that sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach go away. I even prayed that He take the conflicting thoughts I had and let me know that I did please Him with what was said. I still went to sleep trying hard not to think about all those other things I should've said.

At 5:50 this morning my husbands clock went off and woke me up, then at 5:55 I could hear my daughter talking in her room so I knew that she was awake too. After bringing her into our room and getting back in the bed I turned on the radio and figured I would listen to the Steve Harvey morning show, who opens his show every morning with a prayer and devotion to God. This morning Mr. Harvey spoke about how we as people try to map out everything including our lives but it's not even possible for us to do so because we don't even know where we are going. He said "God knows your Big Picture" and asked how can we map out a route to a place that we don't even know that we are headed to. Steve said that when you pray for something and God gives it to you, you can't keep thinking about how you could have done it differently! I was crying in my bed at this point and then Steve said that he had written something else to talk about this morning and hadn't even planned to talk about this subject but that God was speaking through him. And He was! He was talking to me this morning.

Lord, I thank you for answering my prayers. I thank you for the miricles that you have placed in my life and allowed me to experience. Thank you for speaking directly to me this morning and for the kisses from Sydney. I know that was you! Thank you.